“Hi Daddy! I’m s’posed to tell you that the doctor called and he said all the tests results were in an guess what. I’ve got MILF brain!”

I didn’t need the doctor to tell me that. My wife had been exhibiting all the symptoms of Pregnancy-Induced Hormonal Interference — or what people had come to call MILF brain or Teen Mom Syndrome.

It was hard to notice at first. I just thought her forgetfulness was routine pregnancy brain. Bigger tits? Longer hair? Perfectly normal part of getting knocked up. And her newfound yearning for whole milk? What pregnant woman doesn’t have cravings?

But there were the little things. Her constant giggles. Her complaint that maternity clothes weren’t sexy enough. Her forgetfulness turning into full-on ditziness.

The doctor said that she had a 50 percent chance of returning to normal after giving birth. Apparently the whole MILF brain thing was some kind of evolutionary response to low birth rates.

I didn’t get the evolutionary purpose of my wife losing her gag reflex. Or developing a taste for schoolgirl porn. Or calling me daddy.

But as long as she was happy and healthy otherwise, who was I to complain?

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