The only upside about taking a job out in the suburbs (besides the higher pay) has been the easy access to hiking. Seriously, just a 20 minute drive and I’m in the middle of nature. You could never get me into a gym. Ugh. All those pervy guys leering at me and slutty girls just there to flirt. No way.
But in nature I can be myself. Its exhilarating. There’s a real feeling of freedom — of never being tied down.
And its a good workout, too. I swear, ever since I moved here my thighs have really thickened up. In a good way… I hope.
Whatever. Except for that jerk at the office, life has been pretty great.
Ok… I don’t know if its the hiking or what, but my… my hips and, well, ass. They’ve just been feeling so… so… so good.
I actually went shopping for thongs over the weekend. I never wear thongs! But about it just… just turns me on.
I’ve been so horny recent.
Ugh, I can’t believe I said that, but its true! I need to get a hold of myself.
Work has been the worst. I can barely concentrate. Luckily, that jerk covered for me on my section of the quarterly report.
Actually, it was pretty nice of him. And then he went and made some joke about how I could make it up to him by doing his laundry.
Well, jerks are jerks.
So I did his laundry.
I know, I know. But let me tell you, it was my idea.
Deadlines were coming up at work and, to be honest, I was accomplishing nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. So I thought to myself, rather than stress or freak out, maybe I’ll take up Mr. Jerk on his so-called joke.
Do my work and I’ll do your laundry.
Well, he said yes.
So I show up to his house on Saturday, before I go for my weekend hike, and he’s got this big pile of clothes there.
And I’ve gotta say, doing his laundry, like, kinda fun.
I don’t know! Its just, um, after being so unproductive at work or whatever, it felt like really good just to accomplish something.
Plus, I don’t know how to say this, but… his clothes smelled really good. Not after I cleaned them, I mean. Like, before. His dirty clothes. They were just so… so… musky and manly. All I wanted to do was bury my face in this cock.
I mean clothes! Clothes. Ugh.
Oh, and that’s not the worst part.
So when I finish folding up all his laundry, he gives me this, like, jerk grin, tells me I’d make a great housewife and then grabs my ass.
I… I nearly came right then and there.
It was like fireworks. Like a shock through my whole body. The thing I had been yearning for, craving, he just gave it to me.
What a jerk.
I think I want to do his laundry again.
So like, Mr. Jerk and I hammered out a deal. He’d do my work for the whole week, and I’d take care of his house. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, the works!
Turns out I’m pretty good at all that stuff.
Plus, it gives me time to go shopping. Seriously, none of my pants fit anymore. And all of my clothes were just office outfits. If I’m not going into the office, I needed something else to wear.
Hopefully it’ll get Mr. Jerk to grab my ass again.
So they fired me.
Turns out they don’t like it when you don’t show up to the office for a week. Not that I mind. Who wants to go to work anyways?
That’s ok, though. They just gave Mr. Jerk my portfol… portfoli… like, all the stuff I used to do. And they gave him a raise, too! He even said he wants to celebrate by taking me out to dinner.
Well I wanted to celebrate by looking my best, so I joined a gym. Can you believe it?
I don’t know why I never liked them before. All the girls here have such great fashion sense and they’re so friendly. Plus, all the guys are really hot… I mean nice! They’re just really nice guys. Not as nice as my Mr. Jerk though!
You won’t believe what I did last night 😉
Let’s just say that Mr. Jerk won’t have to jerk it by himself anytime soon.
OH MY GAWD!!!
You won’t believe what he did today!!!
He bought me a car!
Not just any car. A big SUV!
It’ll be so much easier to get groceries and store my yoga mat and stuff. And we can definitely put the kids in the back seat when he knocks me up.
Ohmygawd what did I just say?
Well, don’t blame me! I accidentally threw out my birth control pills when I was cleaning last week (I swear I’ve been such a ditz) and Mr. Jerk won’t give me money to get new ones.
Maybe he’s trying to send me a message. If that’s true, then just call me Mrs. Jerk.
I swear, life in the suburbs has been the absolute best!