Good Advice from a Bad Place

Lilly hates how much she loves the comments under porn of her dopplebanger.

this is what all Asian girls dream of growing up to be

It was a shitty comment, and one Lilly couldn’t stop thinking about.

She watched porn, like most single adults. Her daughter was off at school most of the day, and working from home she tended to have the house to herself. 

Lilly wasn’t ashamed of it, though if she was being honest, the frequency of consumption was probably unhealthy these last few months. 

Her taste tended to be toward straight porn. Nothing crazy or creepy. She’d long ago accepted that her preferences were self-insertion wish fulfillment: Asian women with well hung white men.

Lilly’s most extreme kink, if it could even be considered such, was fantasizing about being one of the girls in the videos. It wasn’t just ego thinking she could have pulled it off. 

Lilly had her daughter young – too young in retrospect – and was a fit, attractive girl in her early 30’s. She’d rolled her eyes at times hearing about how “Asian women don’t age” socially, but secretly she enjoyed hearing her old friends marvel at how young she still looked. She was still carded every time she bought alcohol, and got a small buzz out of being mistaken for a college age girl on her rare night out on the town.

In her most edged and clouded moments before cumming, Lilly sometimes indulged in the fantasy of just turning on her webcam. Outside of those moments with a cleared head, she easily dismissed the thought. But over the last few months, she’d been inching closer and closer to the reality of the fantasy with each edge.

She’d made a fake profile on the porn site she frequented. The profile pic was just a close crop of her in her underwear. No face, nothing that could possibly identify her. Her name and liked videos were indistinguishable from the thousands of other horny profiles on the site. She was anonymous in a sea of horny dudes – but it still gave her a jolt of thrill to think her sexy little image was sitting alongside all the other models and porn stars.

It was little things like the profile that sometimes concerned her, laying awake and sober at night. A year ago, she’d never have done it. Two years ago, she would have laughed at hearing a girl friend tell her they looked at porn daily. Now every lunch break, every cancelled Zoom meeting, was spent browsing amateur postings or watching her “porn girl crush” of the moment suck cock.

Maybe it would have petered out over time. Perhaps this was just a phase, an early life crisis, where she was experimenting. Dealing with the dry spell of dating and real life attention due to the pandemic meant her libido had to go somewhere, so why not play a bit online?

Her latest porn fixation was a girl who uncannily resembled her: Rae White. It wasn’t a complete mirror, but close enough at first glance. Rae’s profile was more rounded than Lilly’s own teardrop shape. Rae was more “porn soft” and small chested. Lilly’s body was toned from her disciplined gym routine, and her breasts had never quite returned to their pre-pregnancy perky peaks.

When Rae was smiling and moaning over an impossibly well hung stud – she could easily imagine herself in the slut’s place. Lilly had never filmed herself having sex, but she suspected her own facial expressions looked quite similar. 

To reinforce the fantasy, Lilly had even begun mirroring the girl’s expressions in the heat of the moment. A few weeks ago, she even turned on her phone’s camera and set it up beside her laptop. Edged and out of her mind with lust, she’d immediately cum to the sight of her own face beside Rae’s. Tongue out, eyes slightly rolled back – she’d moaned loud enough to worry the neighboring apartment had heard her.

Afterward, cleaning up her appearance for the post-lunch work video call, she quickly deleted the video from her phone. Whatever high she’d gotten from that moment was well offset by the panic of the video going into a cloud backup.

She’d assured herself she was done with Rae. That the thrill of her “dopplebanger” was soured from taking things too far.

But then she saw that damn comment.  

this is what all Asian girls dream of growing up to be

It stuck in her mind. Like a cut on the roof of her mouth, unable to be ignored but too innocuous to do anything about. 

When she was horny and edging, she’d go back to the video and read the comment to herself. Watching Rae deepthroat a cock bigger than Lilly had ever seen in real life, mumbling to herself under her breath, “this is what all Asian girls dream of” over and over.