Alright, now let’s not go crazy here. I agreed to do this for our anniversary, but remember the rules. You’re only allowed to change my looks. Want me to be a copy of Ariana Grande, or a look-alike for some girl you had a crush on in college? Or how about just a bimbofied version of myself? That’d be hot, right sweetie? Just don’t mess with my mind. I swear, if you do that…


It’d be like so freakin’ hot. Fer realz! *giggle*

Can you even imagine if I tried to say some smart girl stuff or whatever but instead I was like blah blah blah math is hard?


It’d be even funnier, too, cuz I don’t even look the part, ya know?


Like, ditzes are s’posed to have implants and mine are real.

JK! You bought these for me, Daddy! 

I swear. Boys are always checking me out. And girls too! One time my friend Tiffany tried to grab up on me and I was like no way. I’m not gonna lez out with you.


Not unless my man is here to watch! So Daddy, when are you gonna change me?

For the Likes

“Are ya sure this is a meme or whatever?”

Oh, totally. The Banana Challenge. All the kids are doing it.

“And I gotta suck it afterwards?”

Only if you want it to go viral. You want everyone to see how big you’re titties have gotten, right?

“You’re, like, so freaking smart! I can’t believe I ever thought I wuz smarter than you.”

That’s right. Now say the magic words again and I’ll put this online for you.

“Good girls do whatever boys say, cuz boys have all the brains!”

Close enough. Smile into the camera and let’s show all your friends how dumb and slutty you are now.


A Friendly Check In

Are you sure you’re ok? You sounded seriously freaked out before. Something about that pervy guy from Econ class stopping by with a magic… book?

Oh, that guy? 
You’re super worry-wart all the sudden. Everything’s, like, totally awesome!

Emma, you sound really different. What’s going on?

I’m totes cool. 
(Huh? What did you say? Hehe, that’s so evil!)
I mean, actually I could really use your help over here. I’m really scared he might mess with my brain or something.
Can you join me? In case he comes again?

An Attentive Argument

He’s a fucking creep, looking at me like that.

But he is kinda hot, right?

Wait, what? I didn’t think that…

Who cares? He’s really hot. God you’re so wet just from him looking at you.

I mean… oh god, why am I so turned on right now?

Because you like getting leered at. You say you hate it, but you’ve always secretly loved it.

No! That’s…. that’s not me…

Then why are you dressed like this? Why did you get fake tits?

I’m dressed normally, and I don’t… have… fake tits?

Yes you do, you’ve always wanted them. Now everyone will want to fuck you, and you love that feeling.

Oh, I guess… I mean, I do have a hot body…

And you love showing off.

Yeah, I love showing off.

And you get off on everyone thinking you’re a mindless little slut.

I get off on everyone thinking I’m a mindless little slut.

Good, now smile for the nice man. Let’s give him a show.


The only upside about taking a job out in the suburbs (besides the higher pay) has been the easy access to hiking. Seriously, just a 20 minute drive and I’m in the middle of nature. You could never get me into a gym. Ugh. All those pervy guys leering at me and slutty girls just there to flirt. No way.

But in nature I can be myself. Its exhilarating. There’s a real feeling of freedom — of never being tied down.

And its a good workout, too. I swear, ever since I moved here my thighs have really thickened up. In a good way… I hope.

Whatever. Except for that jerk at the office, life has been pretty great.


Ok… I don’t know if its the hiking or what, but my… my hips and, well, ass. They’ve just been feeling so… so… so good.


I actually went shopping for thongs over the weekend. I never wear thongs! But about it just… just turns me on.

I’ve been so horny recent.

Ugh, I can’t believe I said that, but its true! I need to get a hold of myself.

Work has been the worst. I can barely concentrate. Luckily, that jerk covered for me on my section of the quarterly report.

Actually, it was pretty nice of him. And then he went and made some joke about how I could make it up to him by doing his laundry.


Well, jerks are jerks.


So I did his laundry.

I know, I know. But let me tell you, it was my idea.

Deadlines were coming up at work and, to be honest, I was accomplishing nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. So I thought to myself, rather than stress or freak out, maybe I’ll take up Mr. Jerk on his so-called joke.

Do my work and I’ll do your laundry.

Well, he said yes.

So I show up to his house on Saturday, before I go for my weekend hike, and he’s got this big pile of clothes there.

And I’ve gotta say, doing his laundry, like, kinda fun.


I don’t know! Its just, um, after being so unproductive at work or whatever, it felt like really good just to accomplish something.

Plus, I don’t know how to say this, but… his clothes smelled really good. Not after I cleaned them, I mean. Like, before. His dirty clothes. They were just so… so… musky and manly. All I wanted to do was bury my face in this cock.

I mean clothes! Clothes. Ugh.

Oh, and that’s not the worst part.

So when I finish folding up all his laundry, he gives me this, like, jerk grin, tells me I’d make a great housewife and then grabs my ass.

I… I nearly came right then and there.

It was like fireworks. Like a shock through my whole body. The thing I had been yearning for, craving, he just gave it to me.

What a jerk.

I think I want to do his laundry again.


So like, Mr. Jerk and I hammered out a deal. He’d do my work for the whole week, and I’d take care of his house. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, the works!

Turns out I’m pretty good at all that stuff.

Plus, it gives me time to go shopping. Seriously, none of my pants fit anymore. And all of my clothes were just office outfits. If I’m not going into the office, I needed something else to wear.


Hopefully it’ll get Mr. Jerk to grab my ass again.

So they fired me.

Turns out they don’t like it when you don’t show up to the office for a week. Not that I mind. Who wants to go to work anyways?

That’s ok, though. They just gave Mr. Jerk my portfol… portfoli… like, all the stuff I used to do. And they gave him a raise, too! He even said he wants to celebrate by taking me out to dinner.

Well I wanted to celebrate by looking my best, so I joined a gym. Can you believe it?

I don’t know why I never liked them before. All the girls here have such great fashion sense and they’re so friendly. Plus, all the guys are really hot… I mean nice! They’re just really nice guys. Not as nice as my Mr. Jerk though!




You won’t believe what I did last night 😉

Let’s just say that Mr. Jerk won’t have to jerk it by himself anytime soon.




You won’t believe what he did today!!!

He bought me a car!

Not just any car. A big SUV!

It’ll be so much easier to get groceries and store my yoga mat and stuff. And we can definitely put the kids in the back seat when he knocks me up.

Ohmygawd what did I just say?


Well, don’t blame me! I accidentally threw out my birth control pills when I was cleaning last week (I swear I’ve been such a ditz) and Mr. Jerk won’t give me money to get new ones.

Maybe he’s trying to send me a message. If that’s true, then just call me Mrs. Jerk.

I swear, life in the suburbs has been the absolute best!


It took three days of smoking Pink until Kathy gave me a blowjob for the first time.

Two weeks for her to wear bimbo makeup every day.

Twenty days for her to dye her hair bubblegum pink.

And a month for her pussy to quiver whenever I treated her like a dumb little slut.

And to think that people claim weed isn’t a gateway drug…